I've been thinking recently whether to take up music a bit more seriously. As in, doing a Diploma of Music type of seriously. Pros of doing the Diploma: it would be awesome. Cons of doing the Diploma: it would take my already long 5 year degree and turn it into a 6 year one. That's essentially how long I spent in high school.
I'm really quite torn. Is it worth spending an extra year at uni to do something that I probably won't ever use? I'll regret it if I don't, but if 6 years is too long and I get bored of doing everything I'd regret doing the Diploma more.
I suppose it isn't that important a dilemma but I really want to take full advantage of all the opportunities I have during uni. Speaking of opportunities during uni, I'm also considering a semester abroad but if I do that I probably won't be able to do the Music Diploma. Decisions, decisions...
So finally I read the bit of the physics textbook that was supposed to contain my best friend in physics laws: the second law of thermodynamics. And I suppose in a way it is. It takes something that seems obvious to everyone (like that hot tea will get cooler the longer it stands there not hotter) and explains it in terms of science. But this isn't your normal science of this is right and that is wrong, it explains it in terms of probability. Something hot cools down as time goes on because that is what has the largest probability of happening. It's the key word of probability that makes things interesting. If we flip this statement around it means that while it is extremely unlikely that hot tea will get warmer if you happen to have a cup on your table, there is the tiniest chance that it could happen. The seemingly impossible is actually possible. So the next time someone tells you that nothing is impossible, don't laugh or dismiss them, because even science agrees.
At the moment I am in the middle of my mid-semester break from uni. One week to rest, catch up with study and with friends. A week away from the relentless pace of uni. A week with a chance to think.
I'm beginning to realise that I am not as fine and I'd like everyone to believe. The workload of uni is really getting to me. I can't seem to balance it and I don't know why. I don't have much time during the week and on the weekend I never seem to end up doing anything. Half of the holidays have gone by and I have barely done anything.
Most people I know seem to be able to do uni and keep a job, still having time left over for various parties and social get-togethers. Sometimes I can't help wondering if the reason I can't is because I'm lazy. Maybe I should be forcing myself to study even if I feel completely drained. Maybe what I call drained other people consider normal.
But that's the problem. I don't know what's normal anymore. Is it normal to be this tired all the time? Is it normal to randomly have no appetite some days or to have some days where everything is an effort?
What if it is? It would mean that I'm just acting stupid all the time. But if it isn't normal, it would mean that something is seriously wrong with me. And that's just too scary to consider.
I'm too tired for all of this. I'd say I'm too young for all of this but then there are eighteen-year-olds in worse situations than this. Which almost takes away any right I have to feel sorry for myself. Sigh.