Is it strange that the small act of remembering/being bothered to take all my pills makes me feel more accomplished than anything else I've done for weeks? I'm finally sick of being sick of how things are, so it's time to start taking a more active approach to the whole taking care of oneself thing. Which means taking all the pills, not just the ones with the 'do not stop suddenly' label on them. I should probably also sleep better. And eat better, and drink lots of water, and not overexert myself, etc, but I figure two things is enough at this point.
I feel as though I should know better than to sleep weirdly or anything else on that list, but for some reason it's all so hard to keep doing. I don't really know why... or maybe I do.
I talk to people all the time about sleep. With teenagers it seems to be one of the most important things. We're generally all sleep deprived so lots of conversations revolve around how many hours sleep people have had, or how they're tired and could go to sleep right there. People don't seem to be sleeping longer than 8 hours on weekdays. One girl told me that she regularly has six hours sleep, and I wonder how she does it. If I sleep for only six hours I can barely function through the day. But then I have to remember that my body works differently... that less sleep generally means a bit of sleepiness for people, not an increase in pain...
So when I try to sleep regular hours each night, eventually I get tired of noticing the difference between how much sleep I need and how much others seems to get away with. I rebel, thinking 'to hell with all that's healthy, I want to do ____' and decide to stay up late one night. It breaks the cycle, and takes me about a week to recover completely, providing that I go back to sleeping right. Which I generally don't, because there aren't any instant results in the feeling better department.
It's something similar with not wanting to take pills. It's been two years since I've started taking preventative medicines for migraine and other than this one medicine that helps enough that I don't spend all the time going around not sure what's going on, there has been no progress. I almost think that there's no point anymore. I don't want to be taking anything, I just want to be better already. I store my pills for the week in a pill box that used to be a sign of hope but now just seems to be a sign of failure. It probably doesn't help that the writing on it is starting to rub off so much that I can barely read the names of the days anymore. Every time I go to take some pills (which is three times a day) I have to be reminded of the way things are (that is, if being awake had somehow not clued me in). So I got sick of how things are, and refused to use the pillbox, only taking the minimum amount of pills to not get withdrawal effects from the 'do not stop suddenly' medicines.
This had been going on for the last couple of weeks, until yesterday. Today is the second day of me taking all the pills I should be taking so I think it's fair enough that I should have a small internal celebration. And if that's strange, so be it.