When I was younger, I often read well into the night if I got really involved in a book, just so I could find out what happens as soon as possible. I remember the enjoyment in these times, and that even though I was tired the next day I was extremely satisfied that I finished the book.
Today I did exactly the same as I used to do. I started reading a book today, and kept reading well into the night. And the thing is, that was not quite as enjoyable as I remembered it being. It just gradually became less and less enjoyable until I was reading only because of persistence and stubbornness and not the need to know.
It's 2am when I write this and I've gotten used to the altered state that my body got itself into. I was going to go to sleep but then I got the idea for this post. I started wondering if I'd ever be able to read into the night with just a bit of tiredness the next day as a side effect, or even fully enjoy being awake while everyone else is sleeping. I wonder if I'm only remembering the good bits of staying up late in the past. I wonder if what I'm experiencing is completely normal and so everyone else feels the same and they know it's normal so no-one talks about it.
I don't think I know what normal is. This is my normal and I barely remember things being any other way. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just making the idea of something being better up.
What is normal? Maybe normal is a completely relative thing. Maybe I shouldn't question it. But just because I shouldn't do something doesn't mean I don't feel the need to.